eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
