Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
