At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
