I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
