I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
