Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize