By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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