Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
