You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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