i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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