The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
