you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
