textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
