All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
