i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
