Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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