I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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