At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
