I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
