it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
