what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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