Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
