wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
