I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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