One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize