Apparently you make a good broom.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
