Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
