Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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