he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
