i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
