I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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