Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
