Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
