Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
