Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
