My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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