New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
