I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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