Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
