the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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