Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
