I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
