I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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