evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
