is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
