so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
