does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
