Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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