dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize