Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize