so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
