at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
