remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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