She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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