i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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