So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
