I feel great
I just peed on a car
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
