we're blogging at a bar
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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