There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
