I cockslap morals
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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