Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize