Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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