she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
