I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
even my farts smell like vagina
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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