you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
