If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
