I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
