I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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