so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
