just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
