On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
