1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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