She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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