he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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