ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it was like eating out sand paper
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This baby is an asshole
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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