She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Drunk is not a location!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
