Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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