I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just high enough for therapy.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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