We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So squirting runs in the family.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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