..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
