Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
