we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
