is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
