She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
