My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize