HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
