The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
