and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
