awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
