the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
