dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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