So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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