how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
