i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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