Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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