I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
