So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Randomize