I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
