He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
