I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Randomize
