I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
